Archive | November, 2014

NAMB: The final word on baby name trends

14 Nov

Hello, my name is Unique.

As the year winds down, it’s time to put out top 10 lists, and then argue at length on the internet about them. I bet you’ve deduced my very favoritest of these lists: baby names. This piece (Thanks for keeping it fresh, HuffPo) rates the “hotness” factor of baby names, and I don’t even have to look at the comments section to know it is ri-dic. (Spoiler alert: I’m right).

Breathing a sigh of relief that “your” name for your future baby isn’t on there?

Feeling miffed because Violet has, omg, been on your list for like, five years?

Congratulating yourself because you gave your child a “regular” name so it will never be ridiculed or mispronounced? (it will; unfortunately the world still has a surplus of idiots)

Belittling a certain trend *cough* location names *cough* that you didn’t happen to follow?

Wake up and smell the judgement, people.

The perennial debates over baby names are so silly. Name your baby whatever you want. Even if the name eventually dates him or her, well, her birthday also dates him or her. Who cares if there are other kids in the class with the same name? Sixty years ago everyone was named John or Mary and nobody wrote their local paper about it. Somebody stole your unique name? Sorry not sorry. Nobody owns a name. Some celeb just named her daughter Briar Rose and now people (usually people who named their child Mary) want to make fun of her. Whatever, at least everyone will know how to spell it. I’ve had Estella on my list for years, and if I have a little girl next, I’m gonna name her Estella if I damn well please, whether it’s on some list or not. Pick a name you like and don’t defend it to me or anyone else. Your baby is going to be adorable, and your baby is also going to grow up and hate his name and probably you at some point. Accept and move on. It’s no wonder that 96.8%* of expecting parents are afraid to share their name choice with others. UGH.

*scientific number