This is Marriage

15 May

Wedding season is in full swing, so I thought I’d share with all you lucky love birds the kind of conversations in store for you, from a well-seasoned married couple.

I walk into the kitchen where Hubby P is sitting on the floor with Baby T. 

Me: So, I think I have bunions. Or bunionettes, to be specific.

P: You definitely do, gross. Looks at my feet. Janie, those are just veins and tendons.

Me: What? No. I’m talking about those bony balls on the outside of me feet…see? They’re kind of red-looking, and my pinky is sort of twisting in towards my foot–that’s the tell-tale sign.

P: It’s from wearing all those girl shoes.

Me: Nah, I think that only exacerbates it. I think it’s from walking. I don’t think I walk right.

P: Do you think it’s from pointe shoes?

Me: Yeah. Probably. (yeah, right).

P: All that squishing down on your toes.

Me: Well, I think it’s more when the box of your shoes is too narrow and squishes your toes together. Pause. I have fat ass feet.

T laughs like I just made the best joke ever.

P: Why don’t you wear a bigger shoe?

Me: If I get them big enough to fit the top of my foot, then my heel slides out! Anyway, I really do think it’s from walking. That’s what really causes bunionettes. Bunions, that’s when it happens on the inside under the big toe, are way more common. Bunionettes are more likely to be genetic from your foot shape and how you walk.

P: Did you read that on the internet?

Me: No! (lies. I totally did).

P: OK.

Me: I think it’s from the way I walk. I always walk on the outside of my foot like this (demonstrates).

P: Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk I’m a woman’s man.

Pause

Me: And on that note, I’m walking away.

 Yep. Just celebrated our five-year anniversary (brushes shoulders off). Keeping the romance alive, people.

 

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