Lazy Girl Fitness – Rock Bottom

27 Mar

I’ve hesitated over a month to write this post, because there are a million other, better blogs on people’s personal exercise and diet plans. Plus, I don’t want to dwell too much on my day to day life here (that’s called a journal). But I finally decided to share because I think that our appearance health is definitely a facet of life that is on the mind of many Millennials. Even those who are totally unmoved by things like this.

Oh, is it? Is it really?

Oh, is it? Is it really?

They say that formerly obese people often experienced a “rock-bottom” moment that serves as the impetus to finally lose the weight. I acknowledge that I am not obese, nor even clinically overweight in terms of BMI. But I put forth that you don’t have to be either of those things to have your own rock-bottom fitness moment.

Here was mine.

It was a proprietary cocktail of events and circumstances. Going to a party, I tried on a dress that was a tad too big when I bought it–I could barely get it zipped. Then I was asked to be a bridesmaid in my dear friend’s wedding. The fitter told me that my measurements put me in a size 6* dress. I’ve never before worn bigger than a 4 in anything. And then, there was the picture.

It’s not detailed, it’s not close up, and it doesn’t involve a bikini. But it does show my whole body in a state of unawareness.


This picture, taken on February 17th at an event I was attending with my friend J, was like a bullhorn to the ear at 2:00 AM. In college the two of us were basically equal in size–our other friend used to tease us about being the little blonde ones (fun fact: I had a blonde phase Freshman year). Due to a devoted hot yoga regimen, J looks the same (if not better! Gittit girl!) than she did then. Seeing myself next to her showed me how I’d drifted in the past ten years without realizing it.

Although this picture from the same day didn’t strike me in the same way as the first, it confirmed that the shot wasn’t just a Beyonce-esque unfortunate angle. Those clothes are about five years old, so the overall sausage-like impression I got was a hint that just because I could still wear small sizes didn’t mean they were actually fitting.

1 crop

No, we’re not smoking, but I’m thinking about taking it up if it will help me drop 10 pounds. I KID I KID!

I thought about it. Hadn’t I consistently been borrowing or taking hand-me-downs that were on the larger side, avoiding shopping for new things? Hadn’t I been very choosy lately in taking and keeping pictures that showed anything below the shoulders? When was the last time somebody referred to me as “little,” blonde or otherwise?

Finally, most importantly, and least specifically: I’d been overcome by a general feeling of malaise since October, when I changed jobs and delved deeply into a tough role in a show. It was a stressful time with a holiday season (in which I ate like I’d never eaten before) following fast at its heels.

I realized that unfortunately I had to do something.

My Goal

You see the title of this post. I am seriously lazy when it comes to health life. Undoubtedly that’s what got me into trouble in the first place. I knew I’d need a really specific goal, one that involved deadlines and red-hot stakes, but that didn’t involve food scales or regular intervals of soul-crushing weigh-ins. I settled on this: when my bridesmaid dress is delivered at the end of May, I want to be able to turn that sucker around and fly it back for the next size down.

Coming up…

The game plan, and whether and to what degree it’s being followed.


*I struggled a very long time over whether to share the specifics of my weight and size. Some may even read my “fat” weight and size and feel a mysterious, slap-like itch come suddenly over their palm.  But why bother with this if I’m not going to be completely open and up front? I think the fact that women of all sizes are taught to keep mum about their weight is part of the size-shaming culture that is so damn pervasive now. Women both smaller and large than I may feel unhealthy like I do. Women both smaller and larger than I may feel more healthy and confident than I do. Women who have or haven’t had babies, who have or haven’t experienced an eating disorder–it doesn’t matter. I acknowledge that many people might think I am whiny. Some might think I’m boring. A few might think I’m brave. I just want to show that we all have a right to our own struggle. 


3 Responses to “Lazy Girl Fitness – Rock Bottom”

  1. Em March 28, 2014 at 3:13 pm #

    It was just chance that I saw your page today. I clicked on your name to chat and was redirected… and stayed to read. I think it was meant to be.

    I am here for you. Just down the street in fact. I will be as supportive or as invisible as you want. Let’s get you to that size exchange at the end of May. I need to revamp my path to my end of May goal – a two week family beach vacation where I don’t want to be the “big” sister.

    Today was the day to finally, no longer postpone, enter our performance management goals for work, so I’ve been thinking on overall performance/life management. and yes – better balance has always been a goal of mine, but has only been fleetingly obtainable. I know it’s possible, I’ve done it before, but not for longer than 6 months at a stretch. And this lack of balance, this see-saw effect, permeates all aspects of my life: work, physical and mental health, activity/interaction levels with family/friends/community.

    Lately it seems the extremes are getting worse. My closet now no longer holds “seasons” of clothes, it holds “sizes.” I have my ‘big girl’ sizes of 16-14s; my ‘I’m feeling better’ sizes of 12-10s; and my ‘Oh WOW’ sizes of 10-8s; and my ‘Wouldn’t it be Awesome/I’m on my Way’ sizes of 6-Smalls. I went through that whole gamut between September 2012 and May 2013. Then sadly, the see saw’d and I went back through to 16 again. As of January 2014 I’m on my way back down again – in the 14s and almost to the 12s but I’d love to be feeling great come summer. I’ve discovered that with the right cut/design/fabric, clothes can make me LOOK great at most any size, but to FEEL great, I need to be healthy and have a diverse set of activities – not just work. I want to FEEL great again. SOON.

    Who wants to start this weekend?!?

    Note – whatever plan I come up with, I do like to see my scale change, so your plan and my plan won’t be the same plan, but I’ll support you and hope you’ll encourage me. You have already re-lit my inspirational flame, so thank you!!!

    your BFE


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