Fro-yo is not a health food, and other diet discoveries

4 Oct

Sad fact hall of fame: a lot of fro-yo is mostly ice cream, with a token dollop of yogurt.

There are days when I’m near to tears over my absolute inability to lose five measly pounds. And then there are days when, all things considered, I’m just glad I’m not getting carted off by Oompa Loompas. Such is the life of most women in America. But a girl doesn’t make it [almost] all the way through her twenties without learning a few useful lessons at the ol’ SOHK. So when you see me mumbling to myself in a restaurant or at the open fridge door, this is what I’m saying:

  • Espresso drinks (like a grande raspberry mocha no whip, please) aren’t like “getting coffee” so much as “getting gelato,” and should be considered accordingly.
  • When it comes to chips, remember the Pringle Jingle: once you start, you can’t stop.
  • “Saving up” calories for a big dinner or a party at night by not eating during the day? Mistake.
  • This margarita probably has as many calories as your chicken quesadilla with side of beans and rice.
  • No, eating frozen yogurt is not “basically like eating regular yogurt.” (Why did you lie to me, The Berenstein Bears and Too Much Junk Food??)
  • Potatoes are not a vegetable.
  • If you’re going to eat cupcakes, may as well eat them for breakfast. Not only does it make you feel like Marie Antoinette, but it gives you the whole rest of the day to use the calories.
  • 7,482 napkins later: dabbing the grease off pizza doesn’t do jack squat.
  • Sure, go right on telling yourself “you don’t have to eat it all.” But here’s the fact: the bigger the portion, the more you eat. The more you eat, the more compliments P is going to have to dole out before you’ll consider leaving the house tomorrow. So just keep that in mind, Miss I’ll-take-the-piece-with-the-rose.
  • If a salad has creamy dressing, cheese, croutons, and breaded chicken, it’s not a salad. It’s a burger.
  • Unfortunately, Kate Moss, a whole lot tastes as good as skinny feels. That’s kind of the problem.

food

What diet truths have you discovered?

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4 Responses to “Fro-yo is not a health food, and other diet discoveries”

  1. healthygirlandthecity October 4, 2012 at 4:16 pm #

    haha…love that ecard!

  2. maiseylou October 5, 2012 at 6:17 am #

    I love the 7482 napkins theory!

  3. Joy F October 5, 2012 at 12:59 pm #

    Hey yo! I always love your blogs – you’re such a clever writer. Like the salad thing – that’s catchy, and a good way to remind myself when I’m tempted to deny that they’re all that bad …

    That said, I’ll share the one thing that’s made me able to lose weight – the LoseIt app on my iphone! It has so many foods for brand names and whatnot that you can actually look UP that “grade raspberry mocha no whip” before you buy it, and know just what you’re getting. And it helps you budget for spacing your eating throughout the day instead of in 3 big meals … anyway, it’s great, you should try it! Not as if you need it, but I know what it feels like to want that 5 lbs gone …

    • janielyoung October 5, 2012 at 2:15 pm #

      Thanks for the tip (and the compliment)! That app sounds awesome. The only problem is I’d need a smart phone to get it…I haven’t quite caught up to the 21st century yet haha.

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